no. i don't. one word: chiggers. one more word: ticks. i was looking forward to girls camp, wholeheartedly. i was looking forward to hanging with my beehives, snipe hunting, s'more eating, wreaking havoc with all sorts of good-natured pranks. that was the dream. cue first aid certification last night at mutual. then talk of insect bites. then horrific panic inside my head. no, no, no, no, no. i was the only one who didn't know what chiggers were. cue, "sister garrison, you've never had chiggers!?" what the heck is a chigger!? it sounded like scabies, which i don't really know what that is either but it sounds undesirable...and scary. maybe they're actually spelled scaries? anyways, my beehives dive into stories of never-ending itchiness, swelling, redness and tales of horror and woe that lasts for weeks that i don't even want to remember. i was about to wave it off. you know, beehives and their enthusiastic stories. but then my fellow leaders chime in. "yeah, they're horrible. worst thing ever." perfect. just fantastic actually. i was queasy listening to how to stop a wound from gushing blood at camp, now i'm totally freaked. "so how do i avoid these chiggers?" i ask. response, "you can't sister garrison. they're invisible." and they're not kidding. they sound like something voldemort would use. i don't think i have what it takes to be a cabin mom. i don't do blood. i don't do chiggers. i do s'mores. that's it. and so i rounded up my beehives and told them we would assign chigger and tick buddies. and all of them are my buddy. they get to check me over every time we come back to the cabin and get the chiggers off. oh wait, they're freakin' invisible! that's it. i'm going to die. killed by itchy, invisible chiggers. that's what my tombstone will read. and they'll bury me at girl's camp using their 1st year camping skills--so my grave will be shallow--and i'll be eaten even further into death by more chiggers, then wolves. it's morbid. why did i ever say i would go!
oh at the end of the certification last night,"you do know, sister garrison, they're aren't chiggers at camp. they're only found in tall grass and camp's mostly dirt and gravel."
beehives.
kumbaya, my lord. kumbaya.
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3 comments:
I wish you were my young women's leader...
Also the chigger/Voldemort reminded me of two stories that I would like to share with you because I would like to think that you would laugh.
#1: I was in my Psych class and this girl was trying to relate a concept to Harry Potter and she mentioned the word "Voldemort" and I kid you not, my professor immediately said, "You must not speak his name."
#2: My roommate and I were in the library and there was a wasp. We saw it...and then both turned to each other and said, "Tracker jacker!" Then we high-tailed it outta there.
eww and ewww and ewwww! No way!
P.S. love the new blog look and you are an incredible writer! You could be one of those mom's that has a super popular blog because your writing is amazing!
Loved your post! LOL
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